Recently, I had the privilege of hearing Robert Cialdini interviewed about his updated edition of Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion. Influence is a seminal book on ethical persuasion and getting people to “yes”, based on a groundbreaking body of research and field study. It’s a classic, must read for understanding people in all walks of life.
I have read the original edition, which provides 6 principles for profound transformation and success. In his new and expanded edition, Cialdini adds a 7th principle.
Revisiting Cialdini’s work has reminded me of how powerful they are and how instrumental they have been, not only to my success, but to many of my clients’ success as well. I wanted to share Cialdini’s story and work with you so you too can benefit from his genius.
Cialdini first started studying influence because he knew the “influence wars were being waged” in the real world, and they were principles that were being practiced on him by professional marketing and sales people. Initially, he delved into them to understand, so that he could recognize and resist when they were being used to persuade him.
But as he continued his work, he realized that there was an opportunity available to teach others how to harness the process in a morally responsible way, to be used to help people and not to take advantage of them.
These 7 principles have always driven behavior in the human species, so if you’re someone who is interested in practicing their power, make sure you wield them ethically when moving people in your direction.
Here’s a brief overview of the principles:
1. Reciprocation. People want to say yes to those who have given to them. Whether a favor, service, or gift, the idea is to give back and pay in kind. Not only because we want to, but because we feel an obligation to, which is a system of indebtedness that is unique to human culture.
2. Commitment and Consistency. This principle relates to being congruent with what we’ve made a commitment to, particularly in public. “It’s our nearly obsessive desire as humans to be (and to appear) consistent with what we have already done”, Cialdini says. “Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.”
3. Social Proof. This is the follow the leader of correct behavior principle, acting in accord with social cues. We generally view an action as more appropriate when we see others doing it.
4. Liking. There is no mystery here. We are drawn to people we like. The likeability factor of a person enhances a feeling of rapport and can move us to comply with endless requests by others.
5. Authority. This concept has to do with a “deep-seated sense of duty to authority within all of us”. We tend to trust authority figures. The words, influence and encouragement of expert authority reduces uncertainty and makes persuading easier.
6. Scarcity. When we believe something is in short supply we want it more. In fact, it can drive people crazy – just think of Black Friday sales in the US.
7. Unity. The newest tool in your persuasion arsenal is your identity with a particular group. When you are a member of a larger community, influence barriers come down for your fellow groupies and they are more apt to trust and engage in what you have to say and offer.
If you present the merits of your case in an optimal, morally responsible way, you can access a huge power source within people that can trigger an automatic response and move people your way.
If you’re going to read one book on influence and persuasion, this is the one I would recommend!
With heart and brilliant persuasion,
Noreen
Today, International Women’s Day, is a celebration of the vast achievements and contributions of women around the world. Achievements and contributions that span social, economic, cultural, scientific, medical and political purviews. The day is a call to action for accelerating gender parity.
We have no doubt made great strides, but according to The World Economic Forum, we will not see gender parity in our lifetime or our children’s…estimating that the gap is a 100-year gap.
Why does gender parity matter?
The ability for economies and societies to thrive requires the recognition and full and equal participation of women. Women comprise roughly 50% of the world’s population, so developing and bringing our talent and resources has a “huge bearing on growth, competitiveness and future-readiness of economies and businesses worldwide”.
If you consider the current state of the world’s readiness to address the global and economic challenges we face, it’s vital women’s contributions are equally engaged.
As we celebrate women’s achievements today and every day, I invite you to take this in:
In Sports: The NFL hired its first black woman official.
In Arts: The poet laureate for the 46th U.S. Presidential Inauguration was a 22-year-old woman.
In Entertainment: For the first time ever, the preponderance of nominations for Best Director of The Golden Globe Awards was women.
In Politics: Several groundbreaking “first ever” women are holding top positions: Treasury Secretary, Director of National Intelligence and of course Vice President.
In Science: For the first time ever, two women jointly won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry.
In Military: The first Black woman serves as U.S. Naval Academy brigade commander.
In Business: Record number of women are taking over Fortune 500 companies.
In Banking: A major U.S. Bank named its first woman ever to lead it.
There is no doubt that our contributions are significant and advantageous. And that these contributions are being more and more recognized, integrated into our most important initiatives and in some cases have created a global movement affecting the lives of everyone…think the Women’s March, think Malala Yousafzai, think Greta Thunberg, think Emma Gonzalez.
So as you make your way through International Women’s Day, today, I urge you to consider your achievements and aspirations.
And I invite you to think big and play big to bring your talent resources to bear and make the difference you wish to make.
If you’d like to discuss your dreams, aspirations and next, most meaningful steps, I’m offering 5 Complimentary Brilliant Business Strategy Sessions to support you in moving forward on your path to brilliance, mastery, and excellence.
If you’re interested in applying for one of these sessions please complete your application by clicking the button below.
I’d Like to Apply to Discuss My Next Steps
I look forward to our conversation.
With love and brilliance,
Noreen
The Sistine Chapel ceiling’s most famous panel, entitled “The Creation of Adam”, represents God and Adam reaching for each other with outstretched arms, fingers almost-touching. I’ve read an interesting hypothesis that the “scene contains the unmistakable outline of a human brain formed by angels and robes surrounding God” which has led to the interpretation that “Michelangelo meant to evoke God’s bestowal of intelligence on the first human.”
What is intelligence? It’s the act of understanding. And when we think of effective marketing, it’s crucial that we understand the needs and desires of our prospects and clients.
Don’t take my word for it, but that’s how intelligence is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
1: the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations
2: the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one’s environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (such as tests)
3: the act of understanding : COMPREHENSION
Understanding is what’s important for us to seek and apply when we consider the most profound element of building our business, cultivating treasured relationships.
CULTIVATING TREASURED RELATIONSHIPS IS MARKETING.
Treasured relationships are built on understanding. You develop understanding with love. You develop understanding with trust. You develop understanding with the recognition that it’s a synergistic relationship. When you achieve that understanding, the value exchange is capable of achieving exponential results.
What Michelangelo’s painting inspires in me, is the realization that if you want your work to live on it’s important to touch the hearts and minds of others. And that’s only possible when we truly demonstrate understanding.
Understanding is my business creation story. And I recommend that it be your business creation story, too.
You don’t need to be the Michelangelo of business to have that impact. You just need to know that creation story.
If you think about anything that resonates in your life it resonates because of understanding.
So I encourage you to hold Michelangelo’s lesson closely. Seek to understand others. Seek to touch a life. Seek to cultivate a treasured relationship.
If you do that every day, you are well on your way to employing exceptional Marketing.
Lots of Love,
Noreen
One of my favorite magazine reads is the last page of The Economist…Obituary.
No, it’s not because I’m morbid but because the obituaries are really stories of everyday people doing extraordinary things. People you likely never heard of but have made their mark and left a legacy worth writing about.
I am constantly reminded of how we are surrounded by brilliance, insight and lessons from those that have come before us. If only we would pay attention and make the time to soak up the amazing gifts that others have bequeathed us.
The most recent edition and Obituary tells the story of Katharine Whitehorn who died on January 8th at the age of 92.
As a young woman, with little to no financial resources, seeking stable work, moving from one hole in the wall to another, Katharine was struck by the lack of practical and useful information on food preparation. At the time, there were a lot of assumptions that women came to the kitchen replete with knowledge and a fully equipped kitchen to learn how to assemble ingredients and produce a good meal. Not at all a benefit to Katharine who had no knowledge or the kind of life the information at the time spoke to. Thus emerged, “Cooking with Bedsitter” (1961), “a bible for the cookery-challenged for decades afterwards, with its cheery insistence that yes, you could cook cabbage, if you chucked in a crust of bread to stop the smell getting into the curtains; and yes, you could knock up a delicious little dinner à deux out of packets and tins, as long as you got rid of the evidence.”
Her fierce resolve to provide practical, relevant advice that engaged a wider circle of women led to a career as a journalist in Britain who “gave voice to ordinary, non-decorative, muddling-through women and became the model for the dozens of confessional columns that followed.” She became a voice for all things relevant to women living in a patriarchal world, that would support, encourage and empower women to face and overcome their challenges.
It’s ironic how 60 years since Katharine Whitehorn began, the same obstacles exist for women today…finding their voice, willing to be seen, choosing to emerge.
The quest to take our rightful place in the world is still a struggle we women must contend with.
But if we take to heart Katharine’s example of an ordinary woman with extraordinary commitment, it’s a testament to how much we can matter and make a difference. How our choices and actions, based on the gaps and deficiencies we see in the world, organically arising from our heart, can have a profound reach and impact on many.
What I learned from this column is that Katharine became a National Treasure because of her prevailing wisdom that she shared with many others.
She gave messages of practical wisdom to women that gave them confidence. That allowed them to trust in themselves. That empowered them to never have to ask for validation. Confidence to believe that it’s all right. To know in their hearts that it is so.
Her wisdom is beautifully summed up in her quote,
“Don’t apologize, and NEVER ask “Is it all right?”
~ Katharine Whitehorn
If we as women can start from this place, there’s no question we can thrive. Even as we move forward, with all of our imperfections. It’s All Right.
Encouraging you to take your next, right step. Knowing it’s all right. Giving yourself permission.
Lots of Love,
Noreen
This image of my cat Ivy reminded me of a book I recently read titled Living On The Skinny Branches by Master Transformational Leader, Michael Strasner.
The premise of the book is that to live an extraordinary and abundant life filled with personal freedom requires we live on the skinny branches…moving from the root of the tree where everything is the same, up the tree catching wind in your hair, and rising to the top where the juices and richness of life are experienced. The book provides leadership distinctions on how to create your extraordinary life.
As I watched Ivy this day, so high up, with some fear and trepidation (she’s an indoor cat), I instead chose to look at the world from her perspective. And that this adventure, though seemingly small, was a huge journey for her.
Putting myself in her paws so to speak, made me realize she was willing to risk the instability of the skinny branches to pursue her curiosity and live her life on her terms in the moment…with adventure, with joy and with the willingness to experience it fully.
Of course, she was not totally secure. She even began to fall at one point, managing to grasp the tree limb with her paws and hang there until she figured out how to shimmy herself back up.
Then when she was satisfied with her expedition and her risky endeavors she shuffled backwards to safety.
To my surprise, after watching her almost fall from 15 feet high, it didn’t diminish her sense of adventure. Within no time and without hesitation she was off on her next adventure, up another tree.
This new experience created a craving for more discovery. A new world had emerged for Ivy.
If you’re still with me, you must either appreciate this story because you’re a cat lover and you “get it” or you think it’s utterly ridiculous I’m writing about my cat and trying to make a point about transformational living.
To me it’s really just a story with a simple message that made me reflect on my own life and the leadership lessons I work with my clients to embody. Lessons that once taken to heart and practiced will support them in living their best lives.
The message and metaphor of Ivy’s experience can inform our own living on the skinny branches.
You see, growth and joy really do truly emanate from the risky business of pursuing a dream and going for it.
With purpose, vision, desire and curiosity we can create new worlds and discover personal universes that hold all the good things we imagine.
Without those things, we’re really just existing and not living.
Once you begin to unleash yourself and really live life on the skinny branches, you’ll never look back, and will climb up to those skinny branches over and over again.
I challenge you to go live your life on the skinny branches!
Lots of Love,
Noreen
Life is a Journey. Immerse Yourself.
~ Michael Strasner
It is the first time in the 244-year-old history of our nation that a woman, a Black and South Asian woman at that, will be inaugurated as the first female elected to the second highest ranking position in our country. The first female Vice President of the United States of America!
As women, this is a cause for celebration. Regardless of your political alignment, Kamala’s election represents the unapologetic fight for gender equality. It gives women the voice and respect that we all want and deserve. This is something all women can be proud of.
As women strive to rise, Kamala is a testament to our power and influence. Through intellect, grit, determination and a dream, we are unstoppable and have the ability to succeed in every way we choose.
Kamala is a brilliant example of our ambition as women. Whether in business, medicine, law, the creative arts, politics or any profession we choose, we have the wherewithal to carve the path we imagine not only for ourselves but for the world.
As I observe her, it’s become clear Kamala has distinct personal and professional qualities that have enabled her rise to power. Qualities that we can all learn from.
1. Loyal…To Your Dreams.
Kamala has taken a journey with a clear vision, her North Star, in front of her. The decision to run for President or to be chosen for Vice President stems from a dream, not from a fluke, accident or coincidence.
Seeing your future you and “star-gazing” at your North Star – staying focused on moving towards it – is a requirement in propelling us forward.
2. Persistent…Despite Setbacks and Criticism.
Kamala’s ascension has not been without challenges.
Personally, she had to navigate the many challenges of being a woman of color rising from humble beginnings. Professionally, she had to find ways to balance her oath as California’s top law enforcement official with issues of race roiling the justice system.
Despite some doubts, some criticisms and some mistakes, she persevered and stood her ground, doing what she felt was right.
Persistence is a crucial element in realizing your vision because there is no path to your North Star without many cloudy nights blurring your vision.
3. Prepared… To Meet Opportunity.
Kamala is a woman who perfectly demonstrates the adage “luck is when preparation meets opportunity”.
For example, her questioning of Bill Barr during his nomination hearing for US Attorney General, thrust her into her party’s spotlight. Her direct and incisive examination, reflecting her thorough preparation as an experienced prosecutor, at once raised eyebrows of Democrats and Republicans alike. Whether as gutsy torch bearer or formidable foe, she seized the moment.
Preparation is essential in being able to not only discern and greet your opportunities but to seize them as well.
4. Willing…To Risk.
In 2012, Kamala took a huge risk as State Attorney General and withdrew California from a settlement agreement with the banks responsible for the state’s mortgage and foreclosure crisis during the 2008 economic crash.
That risk, and her skills at negotiation, ultimately increased an initial settlement offer of $2-4 billion dollars to $18.4 billion in rightful relief for California homeowners.
Risk is critical to reaching your vision. Playing it safe will only get you so far. But playing with grit and guts and stepping into uncertainty is risky and it’s where your real growth lies. Risk is the real measure of what you’re made of…what we’ve really got.
5. Courage…To Fail.
After a stunning performance in one presidential debate, Kamala suffered defeat in subsequent debates, severely diminishing her path to the Democratic presidential nomination.
Nonetheless she stayed in the game as a figure that garnered great respect with her ideas, policies and skills that still made her a great Vice Presidential candidate.
Courage to fail is part of the prescription for success. Failure is just a moment in time. It does not define an entire path forward unless you give it that meaning and power.
6. Confidence…Through Consistent Engagement.
Kamala’s confidence may have wavered at certain times, but not over the long haul. Her consistency in “showing up” and “playing full out”…that constant engagement…was the real source of her confidence. Just staying in the game, just doing, just acting and standing for something she believed in.
That’s how you build confidence through consistent efforts. Thought alone does not create confidence. But thought combined with action…being fully engaged…reaps tremendous rewards of self-assurance and confidence.
7. Commitment…To Serve.
Along with whatever other purpose drives her it is clear Kamala derives energy and stamina from her commitment to serve. Her commitment to public service and justice is an overriding factor in her success.
Your commitment to your purpose is the sustainable factor in your journey.
Vision, preparation, persistency, willingness to risk and fail all derive their power from your purpose.
Purpose sets you on a path. Purpose guides your journey. Purpose is your victory.
As we watch Kamala get sworn in as the first female Vice-President, let us also celebrate ourselves and our own way forward. Take the lessons that she demonstrated and take those things to heart. Recognize that all you desire to create is fully available to YOU.
With heart and brilliance,
Noreen
2020 was a year of adaptation. We were forced to face extraordinary challenges that completely upset our normal way of life. We had to dig deep, search for ways to strengthen ourselves and continue on, no matter what. It was shocking, it was unsettling, and it is still uncertain. The year often felt more like a fight for our survival than a pursuit of our dreams. And yet despite the challenges we made it through the year, and that is something to be grateful for. We all want 2021 to be different, but that is not likely, at least not anytime soon. The problems and challenges we faced in 2020 continue and even as those eventually disappear we will come across new challenges that will assuredly test us. If we aren’t ready to confront these challenges head-on, then 2021 will be no different than 2020. We will be left off-balance, desperately attempting to keep our footing as everything we deal with seeks to push us over. I am resolved to not let that happen to me.
How? Because I am RESOLVED not to let it happen.
And I am resolved to not let that happen to you.
Resolve is choosing to set our feet firmly. Resolve is not hoping that our problems will depart on their own accord, but instead doing the steps it takes to deal with them. Resolve is welcoming problems, preparing to face them, dealing with them, and dispatching them.
To me resolve is a steadfast decision and course of action that honors our commitments and convictions. Resolve is the determination to bring our amazingness out in the world, to make it better, each and every day.
With resolve, we have the fuel that fosters our growth, our creativity, our prosperity. Resolve will help lead us into a bright, new future.
As a way to begin this discussion around Resolve, and to give voice to your life and your dreams, I invite you to join us for Sunday Silver Lining Conversations with Noreen. To come together with other amazing women, and engage in conversations that meet the moment with gratitude, learning and discovery. It is our opportunity to reflect on our lives, our questions, our intentions and honor our one precious life.
This is my gift to you. I’d love to have you join us this coming Sunday, January 17 at 9:30 am eastern.
For more details and to register please click here.
I’m resolved to make 2021 one of the best years of my life, and I am not going to let anything stop it from being so. I hope you will join me in doing the same.
How do we keep our life and our work in tune when the world around us is so dissonant? The pandemic has forced us to adapt and shift in unexpected ways, and for an indefinite period of time. But have we really done so?
Yes, our work spaces and living spaces have become one and the same. Yes, we try and find relief from our stressful world in safe, social ways. And yes, we’re managing to homeschool and nurture our children while juggling a full-time job or directing a business.
We’ve managed, but sadly dissonance from clashing priorities has become commonplace. And if that’s the new normal, then we have not adapted very well.
I believe we have only reacted to the upheaval of Covid-19, and not truly adapted. I believe that many of us sit waiting. Waiting for Covid-19 to go away, for a vaccine to come out, for life to return to what it was before. Waiting for change to happen to us.
The reality is that change is not coming unless we create it.
We have to recognize that our happiness lies within us. By tuning the new realities of our life and work with our steadfast core values and purpose, we can clearly and confidently move forward. We can and will rediscover the joy that Covid-19 has sucked from our lives.
Think of it this way, imagine you hold a guitar in your hands.
Two of the six strings on the guitar represent your Core Values – non-negotiable principles that you live by. Each one represents a part of your essence and helps create the foundation of every decision you make and action you take.
The next two strings represent your Purpose. Purpose is your ‘why’, the force that gives you meaning and drives you forward. It’s your reason for getting out of bed in the morning.
The last two strings on your guitar are your life and work. They represent your professional goals, the people you care about, and your personal pursuits. If your Core Values and Purpose represent the guiding principles of your actions, these two strings represent the actual actions you take – your focus in business, time spent with family, or the skills you choose to develop.
When all six strings are in tune with each other, you create beautiful music. Soaring melodies, inspiring harmonies, happy, beautiful music.
But Covid-19 has thrown us out of tune. And when a guitar is out tune, it doesn’t matter how much we keep playing. It will never sound as good unless we make the effort to retune it.
We have to stop. We have to look at all six of our strings, and evaluate how they fit together. Realign our Purpose and Core Values with the new reality of life around us.
We have to make the change.
In my private consulting work, coaching, and mastermind groups, our leaders have retuned their guitars and are creating myriad ways to move forward happily, profitably and sustainably.
One whose Italy travel business was severely impacted by the pandemic has used this time to curate an e-commerce site of artisan Italian goods. This has allowed her to add an additional, long-term revenue stream while also helping in Italy’s recovery and revival by donating a percentage of proceeds to support charitable causes close to her heart.
A high-end, luxury linens and textiles boutique shifted to providing protective masks for her urban community while also working with individuals to create more peace and calm in their home surroundings. A necessity now that we’re spending far more time at home.
Another client, a wellness professional, hosts complimentary, virtual classes to help individuals strengthen their immunities and empower their self-care during a time that has made practicing self-care even harder. These classes have allowed her to generate business because of her giving. She did this out of a deep desire to give, not to get, but the rewards are all around.
And yet another, a product development & global sourcing entity has listened to the evolving needs of their stakeholders – clients, employees, communities, and vendors – to bring their strengths to bear to make the biggest difference for all of them.
Times like these, no matter how messy and insecure, can challenge us to bring our greatest selves. But greatness doesn’t come to those who wait, it comes to those who go after it. If we can make the effort to tune our guitar, we’ll discover that moving forward in harmony with our values and purpose may provide the greatest answers to all that we face.
“To keep growing, silently and earnestly, through your whole development; you couldn’t disturb it any more violently than by looking outside and waiting for outside answers to questions that only your innermost feeling, in your quietest hour, can perhaps answer.”
~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters To A Young Poet
I am heartbroken. Ruth Bader Ginsburg departs our world as a hero while our nation mourns.
We have lost “The Best of America”.
RBG was a trailblazer and iconic voice who spent her entire life seeking “justice for all” and particularly for all women. She advanced our civil and human rights with a rigorous advocacy driven by passion, purpose, and principle.
It is with deep reverence for this profoundly amazing woman that I invite you to join me in celebrating her life and all that she fought for.
More than any other figure in American history, Ruth Bader Ginsburg carved a path for women to pursue their dreams and create a meaningful life, exemplifying tenacity, resilience, and unwavering grace at every turn.
In the best of and the most challenging of times RBG was devoted to this mission and never stopped to rest on the laurels of her success…all while gifting us with her endearing wit.
In an interview with Nina Totenberg of NPR, RBG indicated she is often asked how many female justices would be enough on the Supreme Court.
“When all nine justices are women, that would be enough.”
Through my eyes, Ruth Bader Ginsburg represented the best of everything that makes us human…intellect, substance, fortitude, kindness, perseverance, and a devotion to the greater good.
Her legacy lives on as a reflection of all that we yearn for as women…individually and collectively.
As we honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I invite you to share on what the Notorious RBG meant to you.
“For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as we remember them.” – Jewish Prayer of Remembrance
Are you inspired by a particular leader, someone who has made a difference in your life?
We are confronted with examples of great leadership every single day. There is no lack of ordinary individuals doing extraordinary things at every turn. And there’s no lack of others claiming to be leaders that seek to disrupt and violate every thinking and feeling person’s definition of what a leader is. I don’t call the latter leaders but rather narcissistic antagonists.
Disruption is great when it brings innovation, thought leadership and a better way of approaching that which is important in our lives. However, disruption for the sake of disrupting that sends us reeling in a fight for one’s survival is not being done in the interest of leadership but rather in support of self-righteousness, egotism and power. This does not serve us either individually or collectively.
In my years of observing and working with some great leaders there are specific attributes that set them apart as extraordinary. Today, I will talk about one.
Heart.
Leadership starts from the heart. It emanates from a desire, a sense of purpose and conviction that is meaningful and impactful. And what better way to move through our lives than to be connected with this nugget of gold within us.
Heart is the innermost part of us. It knows what is true. It knows what is right. It knows when we’re on a path that supports us and others. And it feels right.
Courage and conviction come from your heart.
In fact, the very origin of the word courage specifically translates from Latin “cor” which is heart. And when we embody a deep sense of conviction there is something inside of us that is undeniable that is unwavering that is very much a part of who we are.
When we lead from this place, we have the ability to inspire others, create a movement and make a profound impact, big or small.
If you think about what I asked you at the start, the person you thought of was likely someone who inspired you because they were invested with heart.
I ask you to think about what inspires you to be that leader and take a stand with HEART, COURAGE & CONVICTION. As you move through your day, consider if there’s one person, cause or mission you can help today. And pick up the phone, send a text or an email and reach out to make a difference.
Be That Leader.